Firestorm defined
1. an intense fire over a large area, as one initiated by an atomic explosion, that is sustained and spread by the inrushing winds created by the strong draft of rising hot air.
2. a strong, often violent, outburst, disturbance, or upheaval.
Intense week! It’s like being in a fiery furnace. Fire turned up till I felt like I would be consumed into ash. Like a hurricane and tornado, simultaneously, all around – in my thoughts, feelings, emotions.
Culmination of so much topsy turvy since June while at a church conference. A lot has happened in these last six months: a promotion and increase in pay. New car with only seven miles on it and delivered to my front door. God’s favor upon my life. Started a new position on July 30th only to be laid off on December 18th.
Wow! Incredulous, dubiously… suspiciously… incredulous!! Is this the mind of God, the will of God for my life after 14 years at an institution of higher learning? I did not see it coming, though I sensed the end of my time at this place and space was fast approaching.
The “struggle” within and without during the months in between – an experience I have never known, nor would I wish it on anyone.
Yet, it has been a vital part of YOUR process for my life.
Unavoidable. Inescapable.
Death to self.
Feelings of hopelessness and failure, seemingly, endlessly
F
A
L
L
I
N
G
….into a bottomless pit, while simultaneously spinning, spiraling, no, w h i r l i n g out of control.
Silenced. Silenced – on purpose by a Hand greater, > than all others, while purposefully molded, and pounded, POUNDED on a Potter’s Wheel; pressured and “cooked” in a Refiner’s Fire… refined only to begin the process again and again and again….
When will this end?
Points of totally losing all concept of ME, losing all confidence of WHO I imagined myself to be, losing my MIND, better yet my MINDSET, losing all identity of who and what I thought I was. Losing all confidence in skills previously mastered.
Whoa…
Stripped of poise and pride,
Head hanging down,
Lower than low,
Battered, beatened –
Scared, scarred, surreptitiously STRIPPED of any semblance of success.
Crying till there were no more tears left to shed, tear ducts dried and totally void of any semblance of the waterfalls I felt deep within my being but unable to release, weeping to weep no more….
Shedding the old, like a caterpillar tentatively clawing my way out of the cocoon that formerly encapsulated me. Desperately clinging to the GIVER OF LIFE for every precious gasp, every precious breath while underwater, gasping until I break the surface of amniotic fluids and I am catapulted into a new life, new beginning, new environment – unfamiliar, but gasping for the Ruach breath of a new life!
Shedding the old skin much like a reptile, or a bird shedding old feathers to then fly on new wings and take flight and soar to heights unknown…
Shedding and stepping out of and into the new….ME.
Clinging to the Giver of Life, my Father, Creator of every good gift. Clinging to Him for every breath that I breathe, exhaling first then inhaling deeply of and from the rivers of the Zoe life. New life…. Abundantly.
Emerging from cocoon and transfromed by the transformative POWER of Yahweh into a butterfly!
Abba, Father, Daddy! I need you. I need you. Hold me with your Hand. Please. PLEASE!
Don’t take your Spirit from me. I need your Presence. You sustain me. You are the Lifter of my head. I bow to You in adoration and worship.
Your Word promises to complete and finish Your Plan in me, for me, through me.
I do not know how You did it, but the uncertainty and the “shakes” from past months of fear and doubt, and clamorings and distractions and NOISE of armor clashing in numerous battles, they have all ceased.
It is as if I heard a loud voice thunder ENOUGH!
Lord Jesus, without you, I am nothing. You are the Rock on which I stand.
I know the process will repeat again, but I rest in Your love, I rest in your peace.
Living by faith, I will keep on fighting till the end.
Though my butterfly wings may appear to be transparent and fragile to others, I have the assurance that I can weather any storm that blows my way. I am more than the fabric of my wings.
Unbroken and built to last!
Isaiah 43:2 – “When thou passest through the waters, I will be with thee; and through the rivers, they shall not overflow thee: when thou walkest through the fire, thou shalt not be burned; neither shall the flame kindle upon thee.”
Firestorms – I wrote this a few days after I was laid off from a company that I had worked for, for 14 years. Can you imagine a week before Christmas? I wrote this 2 days before the new year, tossed into the fiery furnace, uncertain of my next step. Yeah, but I am still here! Look at God!
