You don’t know the cost of my praise and worship and why I cannot be silent on what God has done!
Classic Tee – Friday, February 25, 2011, at 9:29am
Reflecting briefly over the years since 1980 when I made Jesus the center of my life. Wow, I’ve made some mistakes along the way but God has always been there…faithfully, lovingly…always believing in me…because HE knew that He had started a great work in me & continues to complete it, smoothing out the rough edges until I reflect HIS love & beauty.
Often I run into folks who get angry at my love & zest for life, at the reason why I readily raise my hands to the Creator, the giver of life & all that is good. There was a time when I tried to explain, often being intimidated by their bullying and efforts to shut me up or shut me down.
But somewhere around my mid-30s, but especially in my 40’s, I hit the ground running…redeeming the time, on a vengeance to complete all of those dreams that laid dormant in me for so long, literally ready to burst out and explode.
There’s been pain, there’ve been harsh words spoken from people who simply did not understand GOD’s purpose. They looked at the outer & judged that which they “thought” they saw in me as who does she think she is, better than me? Or, her education doesn’t mean a thing. She better sit down somewhere. Or, can anything good come out of her? Or, she hangs with him, she gotta be sleeping with him. Or, why she raise her hands so much praising God. She ain’t holy, who she kidding?
I came to the cool realization that what others thought I was doing no longer mattered nor did they validate me. I accepted the reality that their thoughts and words where reflections and actions of themselves and what they would do if they were in my position!
Liberating….
What they didn’t know was the journey I’ve had to travel, the heartache & loneliness of betrayal, suffering a bad first marriage and domestic violence at the hands of a loved one in my twenties; parenthood which has been FANTASTIC with some stumbles along the way; the pain of divorce from a 2nd marriage & seeming rejection; finding my way in my thirties; then in my forties – the endless nights of burning the midnight oil while I cracked open the books in my pursuit of higher learning – completing papers, projects, and presentations, sacrificing sleep to work my goals as I completed my bachelor’s (previously begun in 1980 but put on hold) and master’s degrees – simultaneously working my dreams of an accomplished and published poet and author, my vision…my MISSION.
Fifty is right around the corner to be followed then by sixty – O what joy! I’m just beginning to live. Living my life like it’s golden cuz it is!!!
Talk about radically pursuing purpose despite others’ opinions of what a Christian should look like, talk like, live like, dress like. Now, all i can say is, only God. God has been too good to me and I don’t mind shouting it from the roof tops. Can’t shut me up…down or out even if you tried.
Life is too short for trivialities and small mindedness, too short for holding grudges and bitterness.
Pardon me while I do my dance, shouting with a liberty like never before! Don’t get me wrong, I don’t think there is anything loud about me.
But when you see me, my hope is that you see that a fire has been lit in me as a result of being in the line of fire, divinely orchestrated for me since the beginning of time.
To God be the praise & glory. You may not know the reason why I sing, why I’m adamant about my praise. But if you ask me, I will tell you.
Here’s a song by Cece Winans titled Alabaster Box. Enjoy.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LdrBB0yb-Mo
Still praising the Lord!